When it comes to vaginal sex, most people just do what comes natural. Anal sex is not so simple. That said, neither is it rocket science. By taking the proper precautions and keeping an open channel of communication, anal sex can be a fun, pain-free experience for both partners. Just follow your ABC’s:
Anal lube: I’ve always said that wetter is better for sex. In anal sex, however, wetter is essential. Vaginas make their own lube. Bums don’t. Lube is absolutely critical, otherwise you can face all sorts of nasty consequences, such as tearing. Plus, anal sex is just downright painful without lubricant.
You can use regular lube for anal sex– though you’ll need to use a lot more than you would for vaginal sex– but ideally you should use anal lube. It’s much thicker and stays put better. One thing to watch out for with anal lube, though, is that it doesn’t contain a numbing agent (like benzocaine). Sure, numbing may seem like a good idea, but if there’s some kind of problem– well, you won’t be able to feel it. And it’s important when to know when something is going wrong with anal sex. The rectum is very delicate.
Breathe: The bum hole, also known as the sphincter, is designed to be a one way ticket out for solids– not in. Unless you make a concerted effort to relax, the sphincter will be too tight and will actively try to prevent something from going in. If something is forced in– ouch.
Therefore, it’s vital that the receiver breathes and stays calm. A great way to relax is to begin by engaging in a little anal play before penetration. Lightly stroke the bum hole and perineum (the area between the genitals and anus); slowly and gently work a little lube into the sphincter with a finger. The most important thing, though, is to make sure that the receiver is feeling aroused and in the mood.
Once the receiver is relaxed, rather than shoving in a dildo, penis etc. right into the anus, allow the receiver to back themselves onto it. Then the receiver can retain control, which will definitely help them stay calm, especially if something feels painful or uncomfortable.
The initial penetration is definitely the trickiest part, though it is of course still important to stay relaxed throughout. Once something is all the way in, the anus should comfortably begin squeezing it nice and tight. That’s why it’s important when using sex toys to use toys specifically designed for anal– if it doesn’t have an anchor of some sort, a dildo or other objects can easily be sucked in. Not only could this result in a potentially embarrassing trip to the hospital, but it’s also very dangerous.
Communicate: Many people don’t talk during sex. For anal sex, though, it is crucial that there is communication between partners. The receiver needs to tell their partner immediately if something is uncomfortable or painful. Continuing on could mean serious damage. One thing especially to watch out for is making sure you have the right angle; if you don’t, the receiver needs to let their partner know so that they can shift or try a new position. Otherwise, anal sex will be anything but a pleasurable experience. The receiver absolutely has to let their partner know what feels good and what doesn’t.
This is why it is important to make sure you are comfortable with your partner if you are going to try anal sex. I personally would not recommend having anal sex with a complete stranger. Even if you are at ease and have no trouble communicating with strangers in bed, I still would suggest reserving anal sex for a partner. Why?
Well, the truth of the matter is that it is much easier to get HIV and other infectious diseases through anal sex, because there is a high concentration of white blood cells in the area (which is how HIV replicates), you are more likely to get cuts or tears in the rectum, and, of course, the rectum easily absorbs fluid. Condoms help, and should be used, obviously, but they are more likely to come off or break during anal sex than vaginal. Therefore, it is critical to make sure you and your partner are absolutely disease-free before engaging in anal. You should be with someone you trust.
Anal sex can be a great sexual experience for both men and women. It stimulates the man’s prostate (the male G-spot) and it can stimulate the legs of a woman’s clitoris and G-spot. Still, anal sex is not for everyone. It should be pain-free and enjoyable, and if you don’t like it– don’t have it. But make sure you’re not missing out on something just because you’re not doing it right– always remember to follow your ABCs!