Christmas-time. It’s probably the last time of year you would associate with sex. Santa, reindeer, elves… not very sexy at all.
But December has a few things other months don’t: longer nights, time off work, plenty of alcohol and parties and, of course, it’s cold outside– driving people under the covers to “cuddle,” i.e. warm themselves up with hot steamy sex.
So it’s little wonder, then, that the most babies are born in the month of September, nine months after December. Interestingly, October 5th has been declared the most popular birthday– the due date for babies conceived on that capstone of the holidays, New Years. Either a lot of people are resolving to have babies, or are ringing in the New Year too drunk to remember condoms. Regardless, this birth phenomenon only attests to the popularity of sex during the winter holidays.
Still, sex at first glance doesn’t seem to be a part of Christmas culture. Yet buried among the songs about baby Jesus and Santa Claus, there are surprisingly quite a few romantic gems in there: “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire,” “Sleigh Ride,” “White Christmas,” nor let us forget the more suggestive “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” “Santa Baby,” and, of course, Gaga’s “Christmas Tree,” which perhaps more bawdily tells things the way they are (“Light me up, put me on top/ Let’s Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la”).
Then there’s the Christmas lingerie. Little red negligees, trimmed with white fur– oddly hot, considering that the outfits are based off a fat, old man’s wardrobe. And what happened to Mrs. Claus? She went from being a sweet, little ol’ granny figure to a sizzling, 20-something sex symbol. Apparently Santa found himself a very willing gold-digger for a second wife. And boy, does she know how to wear candy cane striped stockings.
And, last but not least, there’s the Santa fetish. Some men and women do, in fact, find Santa Claus hot. They like older men, and sitting on Santa’s lap and telling him what they want is a huge turn on. Throw in the fact that he watches you when you’re sleeping, and rewards or punishes you depending on whether you’re “naughty or nice”– well!
The Christmas holidays may not seem very sexy, but it’s actually a great time to get your freak on. So this year, as you’re rocking around under the Christmas tree, remember you’re not alone. Millions are also enjoying a hole-y night. After all, Christmas isn’t just for kids– apparently it’s also for making kids.